what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
