are you still at the devil's house?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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