first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
