My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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