I wish my penis had an off switch
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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