When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
