i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
