i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
