ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the liver wants what the liver wants
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
