that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
