You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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