I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
