so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
