Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You left your phone here
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