New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
