i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
"it" just moved
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
