I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
