im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
