i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
