i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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