I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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