there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
