so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
