So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
