I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we're making bets on your personal life
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
