If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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