At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
