dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
