Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
