sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
