Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
