WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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