Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
