Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
