he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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