I CAN MOONWALK!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
