fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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