I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
