My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
