I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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