Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
