just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
