I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
