we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
