He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
