Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
