I just saw a hot homeless man
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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