I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
