Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
