Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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