What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My dick has a subreddit
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
